'Striving'?
It's midnight and I've just had a bowl of instant noodles. There goes my no food after 8, much less no carbs at night principle. Mark left for Perth today, only for 4 days, but a long enough time! We had a quick (and small) dinner at Ikea comprising of ONE gravad lax and ONE daim cake and TWO coffees between 2 people who are naturally big eaters, so I was feeling a little light-headed and nauseas up till about 10 minutes ago.
Was the last day of class today before the exams!! It created a mini panic attack in me and I'm actually gung-ho about studying pharmacology! I think stress is a good thing. I am absolutely not motivated otherwise.
I feel like my life now is so relaxed, much more than a couple of years back anyways. I feel contented cause I've found 2 gems of friends with whom I can talk about the deepest stuff, yet also go absolutely nuts and laugh till I cry. I feel like there's a sort of need in me to fight - fight against norms, fight against prejudice, fight for independance, fight for life exprience, fight to be different, fight to earn more money (hehe).... it's funny, cause people generally perceive me as a placid, easy-going person, and I believe I am, but maybe that's another way of fighting.. against myself? I don't like to settle! Maybe people call it striving. I don't like just accepting some things the way they are. If only I had a passion in something like anti-fur or anti-keeping-bears-in-cages-in-japan, I think I would go far. *basks in self-praise*
But as I was saying, I feel so relaxed and contented right now. I feel like I've had my fun setting up a house, working to get very different people as housemates, getting to know people (it's not easy!), getting a job, getting my career set up, getting settled at uni. I feel so happy and settled in my relationship with Mark, friends, parents.... and I have a job in a pharmacy, as well as a few casual jobs for extra money. Accomodation not so settled and a forever stress in my life, it seems, but I reckon it will be that way till I have my own home. Keeps me on my toes - heh. Even uni is not bothering me so much anymore. I realise that pharmacy is really interesting and is probably going to get more interesting in the years to come. So many oppurtunities and choices, the world is mine! (or will be in a couple of years)
But the strive in me is hath not died! I need to get off my arse and start learning / doing something new. I wanna learn German and some random language just so I can eavesdrop. How cool would it be to speak African! Maybe I should start with Mandarin, but pfftt.. I'm so used to being harassed for not speaking my mothertongue anyways (blame it on my parents! wahahaha). Have started belly dancing and am almost through Beginner One. Yes, I can dance to Habibi Ya Eini with my green hip belt with the noisy coins I bought off ebay. I actually think I have a natural flair for it, maybe thanks to my generous hips. Need to work on coordination and learning to focus my mind on certain parts of my body.
Try moving your head super horizontally in little movements from left to right - no tilting or wobbling! Now try that moving another part of your body - hahahaahhaha!!
Was the last day of class today before the exams!! It created a mini panic attack in me and I'm actually gung-ho about studying pharmacology! I think stress is a good thing. I am absolutely not motivated otherwise.
I feel like my life now is so relaxed, much more than a couple of years back anyways. I feel contented cause I've found 2 gems of friends with whom I can talk about the deepest stuff, yet also go absolutely nuts and laugh till I cry. I feel like there's a sort of need in me to fight - fight against norms, fight against prejudice, fight for independance, fight for life exprience, fight to be different, fight to earn more money (hehe).... it's funny, cause people generally perceive me as a placid, easy-going person, and I believe I am, but maybe that's another way of fighting.. against myself? I don't like to settle! Maybe people call it striving. I don't like just accepting some things the way they are. If only I had a passion in something like anti-fur or anti-keeping-bears-in-cages-in-japan, I think I would go far. *basks in self-praise*
But as I was saying, I feel so relaxed and contented right now. I feel like I've had my fun setting up a house, working to get very different people as housemates, getting to know people (it's not easy!), getting a job, getting my career set up, getting settled at uni. I feel so happy and settled in my relationship with Mark, friends, parents.... and I have a job in a pharmacy, as well as a few casual jobs for extra money. Accomodation not so settled and a forever stress in my life, it seems, but I reckon it will be that way till I have my own home. Keeps me on my toes - heh. Even uni is not bothering me so much anymore. I realise that pharmacy is really interesting and is probably going to get more interesting in the years to come. So many oppurtunities and choices, the world is mine! (or will be in a couple of years)
But the strive in me is hath not died! I need to get off my arse and start learning / doing something new. I wanna learn German and some random language just so I can eavesdrop. How cool would it be to speak African! Maybe I should start with Mandarin, but pfftt.. I'm so used to being harassed for not speaking my mothertongue anyways (blame it on my parents! wahahaha). Have started belly dancing and am almost through Beginner One. Yes, I can dance to Habibi Ya Eini with my green hip belt with the noisy coins I bought off ebay. I actually think I have a natural flair for it, maybe thanks to my generous hips. Need to work on coordination and learning to focus my mind on certain parts of my body.
Try moving your head super horizontally in little movements from left to right - no tilting or wobbling! Now try that moving another part of your body - hahahaahhaha!!
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on Thursday, June 08, 2006 at 6/08/2006 11:59:00 pm.
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